Relationships are important part of life and responsible for our well being and happiness.
Not all relationships last forever, but we can learn valuable lessons from failed relationships thus not repeating same mistakes again. Sometimes, we have to meet certain people to learn important lessons; oftentimes, the wrong relationships lead us to the right person eventually. Here are the Nine Amazing Lessons I Learned From Failed Relationships:
1. Differences in thinking: Men and women think differently. They have distinct emotional needs and communication preferences. Here are some general differences in both genders.
- Men go silent in problems while women talk: When faced with tough problems, men become non-communicative so they can work out how best to solve it themselves, while women become communicative so that others can work out how best to help them. When a woman is sharing her problems, best thing you can do is just listen even if you can’t provide a solution. When a man is behaving awkwardly by not speaking anything, Just give him time. He will
- Men are motivated when they feel useful, women are inspired when they feel loved
- Women appreciate lots of little gifts while men tend to value the big gifts more.
These might not be true in every case but knowing the generic differences helps in understanding your better half.
2. Separation Cycle: Relationships don’t just fall apart overnight. There are warning signs to look for, signs that your levels of emotional tension are rising and that the relationship is in trouble. There are generally 4 stages of separation:
-Resistance: Resistance occurs when you don’t like what another person is doing or saying. You feel annoyed, critical, a little separate from them. Most people handle signs of resistance by ignoring them and pretending nothing is wrong. It’s the small differences that lead to bigger conflicts when left unresolved.
-Resentment: If you don’t reveal your feelings of resistance and resolve them with your partner, these little resistances build up and turn into resentment. At that moment you have begun to separate from your partner and retreat behind your emotional walls.
-Rejection: Rejection means separation: emotional, physical, or both. This stage occurs when so much resentment has built up that it is impossible for you to be comfortable staying emotionally connected to the other person.
-Repression: In this stage, people repress all of their negative emotions, thus pretending that everything is fine. Repression is the most dangerous of the Four R’s, because in this stage you can fool yourself into believing that your relationship is fine, when in fact it’s in grave danger.
The solution for preventing your relationships from falling apart is Honesty and communication. The moment you notice some Emotional Tension between you and your partner, tell the complete truth about how you feel. Talking things through and considering each other’s feelings provides you with the ability to work together. Also, share your life with them. Talk about small littles things of office and friends. Talk about problems even if they can’t help. Sometimes, being vulnerable helps in improving relationships.
3. Appreciate the little things: ‘It’s the little things that matter the most.’ Give compliments to your partner more often. Highlight their strengths. Smile more often. Be humorous. Pull pranks, have fun. Life is too short to be sad.
4. Work as a team: It’s the You Guys vs. the Problem, not You vs. Your Partner. Remain a united front, and see the problem as a separate entity ‘out there’ that you are both working to resolve. Once you learn to become a team, rather than work against one another, you can conquer it all. If you and your partner have the ability to actually listen to one another, you can make it through anything.
5. Don’t play victim: Take responsibility: It’s easy to put the blame on the other person and run away from your responsibilities. The right thing is to take full responsibility of your relationship and the other person and try to fix it. Don’t try to make them perfect for you, Try to be the perfect for them first. Don’t try to find the right person, try to be the right person first.
6. Treat them well and be treated well: Never take anyone for granted and never let anyone to take you for granted. Don’t ever let your partner put you down or harm you. If your partner is not giving you needed respect and love despite giving them various chances, Quit. It’s better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel all alone.
7. Forgive quickly: Never hold grudges for anyone. There Are No Bad People, Just Bad Circumstances. If you were in the same situation, chances are that you might have also done the same. Don’t judge them and Forgive quickly. Being able to let go of the past allows us to be fully present emotionally, spiritually, and physically in future relationships.
8. Be yourself: If you don’t feel comfortable being exactly who you are in front of your partner, this is a huge red flag. It’s often people’s truest selves – their quirks, funny habits, their passions, fears and dreams – that we fall in love with the most. Be wholeheartedly, unapologetically you. You can’t live a life that’s fake forever, and if your partner can’t accept you — for the good, the bad and the weird — they’re not worth it.
9. Self-love: If you don’t love yourself, no one else can. The outer world is just a reflection of your inner thoughts. Be gentle with yourself, forgive yourself for your mistakes, Accept yourself, and love yourself before expecting others to love you.
I hope these lessons will help you realize your mistakes in past relationships and result in stronger, happier bonds in the future. Please share your thoughts about the article in the comments. Thanks for reading.