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How To Have Unshakable Confidence/Self Esteem

unshakable self esteem

Self-esteem is one of the biggest factors that decide success in every area of your life. How much will you earn, how better would you perform in an exam, how good relationships you can maintain with other people, all these things depends on your self-esteem.

Self-esteem means an overall sense of self-worth or personal value. In other words, how much you appreciate, trust yourself and like yourself. Having high self-esteem will help you excel in every area of your life. It means, currently you might not be so good in a particular skill, but having high self-esteem means having faith/belief in yourself that you will learn it and become an expert soon.

Increase your self-esteem permanently

1. Self-awareness/Living consciously:

Be aware of all of your strengths, weakness, powers, and problems. Don’t live your life like a robot. Ask the following questions from yourself.

  • Why are you doing things that you do?
  • What are your biggest goals/desires?
  • What are your biggest fears/insecurities?
  • What do you love about yourself the most?
  • Which habits/behavior do you hate about yourself most?
  • What makes you happy?
  • What makes you angry?
  • What makes you sad/anxious?
  • What makes you proud?
  • What are your biggest values?

Being aware of yourself and your values thoroughly will help you make better decisions in life

Also, try to live in the present being aware of everything around you rather than remembering your past or worrying about your future.

2. Self-acceptance/ Self love:

Accept your strengths, weaknesses, desires, problems, powers without judgment. Change can happen only after acceptance. If you live your life in denial that you don’t have any weaknesses/ problems, you can’t overcome it.

Note: Self-acceptance shouldn’t be confused with complacency. The only way to become better is to accept yourself as you are now, otherwise, you’ll waste all of your time feeling guilty over your past mistakes.

3. Self-responsibility:

Be responsible for every area of your life. If you play victim and blame world for your current condition, you will never find inner energy/power to transform your life.

You might not have 100% control over life, but you definitely have 100% control over how you react to various events in life. Taking responsibility gives you the power to transform your thought process which in turn will change external reality for you.

Note: Being optimistic and solution-oriented rather than problem finder can be a game-changer for your thought process and life.

4. Be authentic:

To practice self-assertiveness is to live authentically, to speak and act from your innermost convictions and feelings.

Lies make you weak and full of fears. If you don’t know something, say it. If you aren’t good at something, tell it. There is no one in the world who is good at everything. You don’t need to be perfect to live life confidently, you just need to be authentic.

5. Living purposefully:

It means to use our powers for the attainment of goals we have selected. It’s our goals that push us forward and makes us feel fulfilled. Bigger the goal, greater the energy will be generated inside us to achieve that goal.

Note: Thinking big and having a purpose bigger than yourself will boost your self-esteem manyfold. Example: Entrepreneurs have higher self-esteem than people who do a regular job. Great leaders have high self-esteem as their purpose is much bigger than themselves: To uplift every single person in the world. You don’t necessarily need to have such bigger goals but you should definitely start thinking big and take bigger roles. Never be afraid of taking bigger roles in your organisation/social groups. Bigger roles will help you achieve respect from society as well as higher self-esteem in your own eyes. Similarly, You can take bigger roles in your social circles. Mentor someone, Be someone’s hero and this thing alone will give you unlimited confidence.

6. Personal integrity:

It means to live your life with values. It doesn’t mean necessarily to comply with rules or standards set by society but to live with your personal values. Don’t be a hypocrite. Don’t do things that you don’t like about others. Also, live your life with integrity. Give power to your words. Keep your promises even if it’s difficult to do.

7. Stay modest:

‘If you think you know everything, you can’t learn anything’.
Don’t let your successes make you an egoistic person. Stay modest and down to earth always. It will make you a confident peaceful person.
“Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.”


Quick TIPS:

If you want to boost your self-esteem quickly, here are some tips/strategies to overcome low self esteem :

  1. Dress well: How you present yourself to society has an impact on your self-esteem. So, be well-groomed and dress well.
  2. Gym/ Physical exercise: Having an ideal body will help you increase your self-esteem. Also, the release of endorphins/dopamine during exercise will help you to become a more positive/optimistic person.
  3. Learn new things: Learning new skills will give you a sense of accomplishment and also make you an interesting and confident person. Move out of your comfort zone and try out new things. Divide the skill into as many parts or components as possible and master each one separately. Please read https://betheflow.in/learning-how-to-learn-faster for detailed steps to learn new skills quickly.
    Don’t be afraid of failures/rejections. It’s your failures that teach you the most and bring the best person out of you.
  4. Uplift others: Help others grow and live to the full potential. “When one teaches, two learn.” Helping others will make you feel fulfilled, happier and wiser. It will also help you make better relationships with people which will be really beneficial for you in the long term.
  5. Change your self-image: It’s a permanent and most effective solution. Change your subconscious using Affirmations/Visualizations. Become a person who thinks big, gives his personal best in each moment, who loves challenges, who is not afraid of failures, speaks his truth, is authentic, does no harm to others, speaks impeccable, spreads happiness and uplifts others.

Self-esteem is not built in a day. But if you continuously practice all these habits, you will definitely be unstoppable one day.

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20 Productivity Hacks Students Can Use To Be 400% More Productive

20 Productivity Hacks Students Can Use To Be 400% More Productive:

I’ve been a master procrastinator throughout my life. I developed this bad habit during my school and college life. I used to skip studies until last night of exam. Therefore, I had public image of  ‘The guy who studies at the last night and scores good marks’ and i was proud of it.

However, when I entered corporate life, This bad habit became one of the biggest obstacle in my job. It took me years to overcome this habit and become highly productive. From my personal experience, Here are 20 Productivity Hacks Students Can Use To Be 400% More Productive:

Part 1: Understand why you are not productive

Understand why you are not productive

1. Understand your time wasters

We all have 24-hours in a day. Still, some people are able to get the most out of it to achieve all of their dreams. As discussed in the previous article,  For gaining total control over your time, we need to understand top time stealers that are wasting your time. Here is the list of top activities that waste our time:

  • Addictions of popular activities like gossiping, binge-watching, social media
  • Worrying about the problems
  • Lack of planning and to-do list
  • Being a perfectionist
  • Saying yes too often

Understanding your time stealers is the first step for productivity.  You can use your willpower and tools like “StayFocussed’ to refrain from these activities thus utilizing your time effectively.

2. Understand the basics of Procrastination

Procrastination happens when we’re doing an uncomfortable task and we face some negative emotions – boredom, anxiety, overwhelm, frustration. We don’t know how to deal with these negative emotions and we procrastinate to avoid these emotions. Now, our mind gives stupid reasons to validate our procrastination:

  • I have too much time left. LEt’s first watch a movie and then I will do it
  • I’m too tired. Let’s sleep. I’ll have more energy then.
  • Not feeling good. Let me watch the Youtube video. After that, I will start it.
  • Let’s first drink coffee. Then, I will do it.
  • Let me first search for articles to be more productive. Then I will do it 🙂

Sound familiar? Becoming aware of why you procrastinate and how you procrastinate is the essential step that helps in controlling it.

3. Understand Distractions

We live in an age of massive distraction. Facebook, email, smartphones, video games, TVs, News, etc are some attractive distractions that keep us away from pursuing our goals. Even when we start our work, we can’t maintain our ‘flow’ state due to these massive distractions.  We often start working on our project but end up watching a random videos about a celebrity due to distraction. If we want any chance of getting meaningful things done and getting a grip on our procrastination, we need to find ways to reduce and resist temptations.  We will discuss steps to control distractions later in this post.

Read Also: Ten Magic Secrets To a Happy Life

Part 2: PLANNING

PLANNING

4. Design your environment to serve you

Whether this is cleaning your office, eliminating distractions, getting rid of bad influences, or surrounding yourself with like-minded people. Designing your environment to push yourself in the direction you desire par will have a disproportionately positive effect on your success.

5. Write it down

Your mind is a great place to have ideas, but a terrible place to manage them. Write all your pending tasks, fears, desires, goals on paper. Otherwise, you’re feeling confused and overwhelmed a lot of the time.

6. SMART goals

Set your monthly, weekly, daily measurable goals. If your goals are too easy, you will lose interest. If they are too difficult for you, you will start procrastination. So, Set realistic goals for time periods such that they are challenging for you but still are achievable.
Have an overarching goal for the day – Each night, write one down for the next day. If you complete this, it was a successful day.

7. Check external solutions to your problem before inventing a new one

There’s a high chance that the problem you have in your work, code, studies, gym routine, etc. have been had and dealt with time and time again. So, you don’t need to necessarily reinvent the wheel. A google search for your problem can save a lot of your time. Always, search for existing solutions before inventing from scratch.

8. Prioritize

Do the things that are really important for your goals. don’t confuse activity with productivity.

  • Pareto Principle: The Pareto Principle helps you realize that the majority of results come from a minority of inputs. The 80/20 rule means that even if you spend equal time on each item, two of those items in particular will carry the bulk of the results you want. So don’t make an equal to-do list. Instead, write a to-do list with your heavy-hitters first. Figure out which items are most likely to deliver your biggest results, and start there.
  • Do the most difficult things first – This could be at the start of your day, the beginning of a project, or the first hour of your study session. After completing this task, you’ll have not only done something meaningful with your day but you’ll feel the momentum carry through to other tasks.

Read Also: How To Learn Anything Quickly

Part 3: TAKING ACTIONS

TAKING ACTIONS

9. Start small

Trick yourself into productivity the same way you trick yourself into procrastination. Start small without expecting too many results.
When you tell yourself “just one more game” or “just one more FB post”, or “just one more video” and end up doing 3-5 hours more,
We can use this technique to finish our tasks also! “just one line of code”, “just one tutorial”, “just one rep”, “just one line of reading/writing”. We all have this amazing mental tool that we’ve been honing for years, the tool of self-deception. Time to use it for good and not evil.

10. Focus On The Next Step, Not The Next Thousand Steps

One major reason many of us procrastinate is that we’re feeling overwhelmed. Feeling overwhelmed is uncomfortable, which means we probably feel an urge to run away and procrastinate This is especially true when we’re facing big projects, which are, by their very nature, challenging and overwhelming. Instead of putting off a big project, start by breaking it down into small, actionable steps. Create a list of all the things you need to do. Once you have the list, forget about the project and focus on doing just one thing on your list. Multitasking may appear efficient but it reduces overall efficiency and performance as it breaks our focus and flow state.
Get in the habit of asking yourself, what’s the next action I can take? Make it small and concrete and then get started on it. Don’t allow yourself to worry about the next thousand steps, focus on taking the next one.

11. Use Parkinson’s Law for productivity

Work expands to fill the time available for its completion – means that if you give yourself a week to complete a two-hour task, then (psychologically speaking) the task will increase in complexity and become more daunting so as to fill that week. It may not even fill the extra time with more work, but just stress and tension about having to get it done. By assigning the right amount of time to a task, we gain back more time and the task will reduce in complexity to its natural state.

12. Delegate and automate

Learn to delegate tasks to your team members, family, and friends. Solve the initial barriers for them and trust them for the tasks. It will not only save your time but also will help them grow. Similarly, automate your daily repetitive tasks as much as possible.

13. Make tasks less painful and more pleasurable in your mind

Human brains work on the principle of pain and pleasure. We want to avoid pain and seek pleasures. You can use this principle to your benefit in the following ways.

  • Make it pleasurable: Before starting any work, say to yourself “it’s easy and interesting”. In reality no work is easy or difficult. It’s our perception about the work that makes all the difference.
  • Connect tasks to your values and future goals. In order to make seemingly meaningless tasks more attractive and relevant, you need to connect them to your values and bigger goals. This allows you to see how present tasks lead to a better future, which helps you value them more highly. All of a sudden, you want to do them because they help you reach your goals. The result: less procrastination.
  • Promise yourself a reward. If you promise yourself a million bucks for finishing your dissertation, procrastination will not be an issue. Smaller rewards work, too, of course.
  • Gamify it. Challenge yourself, set your own standards, create a feedback loop, or try to beat your score. How many of these can you get done in 20 minutes? Can you do it in less time? Can you do it one-handed or with eyes closed?

14. Handle distractions

  • The two-minute rule. We procrastinate on many small things, that when they pile up, it becomes an actual problem. The solution is simple: “If the next action can be done in two minutes or less, do it now.” If it takes more than that, put it in your to-do list for later. This is easily one of the most powerful rules in the productivity game.
  • Stop procrastination: The process of procrastination is always the same. It happens when we’re facing an uncomfortable task and inevitably encounter some negative emotions – boredom, anxiety, overwhelm, frustration. Because these emotions are uncomfortable (research shows they literally cause pain in our brains!), we want to avoid and get rid of them. That’s when procrastination happens: to relieve negative emotions, we distract ourselves with something that feels better.

Part 4: FINISHING IT UP

FINISHING IT UP

15. Expect Setbacks and Respond With Self-Forgiveness

Self-forgiveness, rather than self-punishment, reduces procrastination. It’s all about creating a place of safety and care, rather than fear. Once you’re operating from a safe place, you’ll find yourself less in need of procrastination. The more self-compassionate you are, the less you’ll procrastinate. When you sincerely care about yourself, you’ll want the best for yourself – and that’s never procrastination.

16. Verbalize a problem that you’re struggling with

Either to a friend, co-worker, or to yourself. When you start explaining your problem, there’s a good chance that you’ll work it out. The amount of times that the answer has just been staring at me is too high to count. #RubberDuckDebugging

17. Write down the mistakes and lessons learned

We almost always repeat our mistakes, it’s too hard to remember the lessons we thought we learned. Writing them down and revisiting them helps us etch them into our memory. Persistence is the key to success. After facing failures, take a step back, see the bigger picture, re-strategize, and go boldly towards your goal again.

Part 5: Long term solutions

18. Build your focus and willpower

Focus and willpower are the main factors that differentiate successful people from others. Where our focus goes, our energy flows which helps in manifesting our dreams.

  • Focus can be improved by meditation and giving full attention to each task whatever you are doing. For example: if you are talking to a person,  give him your undivided attention.
  • Willpower is a muscle that requires regular practice. It can be improved by maintaining integrity: Finishing what you started and giving value to your words.

19. Optimize your energy

Think about it in your own life. When are you most likely to procrastinate – when you are full of energy or when you are feeling tired?
The best way to optimize your energy is to eat well, exercise well, and sleep well.

  • Love yourself: Self love can make you feel active and full of energy throughout the day. Stop judging yourself, Accept yourself and love yourself.
  • Eat well: All food provides the body with energy, but this energy can vary greatly. Some foods, such as sugars and refined carbs, give the body a quick jolt of energy. However, more often, the body needs more sustainable energy from ingredients such as fruits, grains, and legumes.
  • Exercise well: Exercise turns out to be the closest thing to a wonder drug that can boost your energies. 20 minutes of morning workout helps in being active throughout the day.
  • Sleep well: The right amount of sleep can enhance a person’s problem-solving skills, as well as memory retention. The brain needs to feel as fresh as possible to be able to work at maximum capacity. Think of it as charging a mobile.
    Exercising regularly, getting high-quality sleep, and eating healthy are absolute musts if you want to live optimally, be more productive, and procrastinate less.

20. Change your identity: 

You are always late in your submissions because it’s part of your self-image. One of the strongest forces in Human nature is to stay consistent with their identity.
Top Athletes don’t practice hard because of motivation or any other external factor. They do because this is how they know themselves. You can also change your personality. Change your identity to a person who is a problem solver, who has integrity and who is focussed on goals and you will see the changes in your daily behavior and habits. Identity can be changed using affirmations, Visualisations, and lofty questions. We will cover this topic in future posts.

Bonus TIP: Love your work

If you love your work, if you enjoy it, you’re already a success. As Steve Jobs said: “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.”

Conclusion: These 20 steps along have personally helped me in boosting my productivity to a great extent. We need to understand that our time is limited and we need to focus on things that matter most for us.
So, What are you waiting for? Stop wasting your time and start living a meaningful life.
That’s it. Let us know in comments what are your personal stories of procrastination? What are your strategies to be highly productive? Leave a comment below, and thanks for reading!

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How To Manipulate Time To Achieve All Your Dreams.

time management skill

We all have 24-hours in a day. Still, some people are able to get the most out of it to achieve all of their dreams.
Want to know how you can also gain total control over your time?
Start by understanding top time stealers that waste your time and learn effective strategies to control it.

Time Stealers: If you can’t manage your time, you’ll never effectively manage your life or your leadership. Here is the list of things that are stealing time from your life and stopping you from achieving your dream life.

Addictions of popular activities:

“When I think of all the hours and hours of my life I have spent watching television, it makes me realize, Man, I am really rich with television.” — Jack Handey
Other examples include Social Media, Games, Netflix, Youtube, comedy shows, news, Excessive socializing, gossiping, compulsive shopping, time spent in pursuit of fame, showoff. These things are fine when done in limits. Excess of these might make you feel good in the short term but these are the biggest barriers to achieving the life you deserve.

Solution: You can control it using plugins like StayFocusd which restricts your time spent on these websites. 2.

Worrying about the problems:

People waste a huge time remembering the past or worrying about the future. Sometimes, it’s important to do these things but just thinking about your problems will not solve them. It’s proper planning and massive actions that are going to transform your life.

Solution: Be Solution-Oriented. Instead of focussing on problems, be solution-oriented, Know exactly what you want to achieve. Create goals for each area of your life. Divide each goal into 5 sub-goals that are achievable in a particular time frame and start taking actions.

Decision making:

A lot of time is spent on deciding between various choices. It’s good to have a plan before taking action to avoid future time wastage but thinking too much is not recommended.
Solution:

  • Know your values: If you know your values, priorities, decision making would be way easier. If you have to choose between writing an article, watching movies or going out with friends, it would be easier for you if you know your priorities. You should try to avoid activities that don’t align with your goals.
  • Avoid confusion: If several choices align with your values/priority, then the only way to avoid confusion is to try it. If possible, try to predict the output of choices by learning from people who were in the same situation. You can also discuss with your friends/family and get their viewpoint. If no one has faced such a dilemma, show courage and go try the first choice.
  • Understand life better: Spend some time in understanding the basics of mind, communication, relationships. The more you understand life, the easier it would be your ability to make decisions. Your presence of this website means you are already on this path but you can also learn from the wisdom of great personalities like Sandeep Maheshwari, Sadhguru, Tony Robbins or various self-help books available over the internet.

Wasted driving/traveling time:

Another major time stealer is your commute time. Commuting is an easy opportunity to improve yourself. Utilize this time by reading booking, listing to podcasts rather than letting your mind wander freely.

Lack of planning and to-do list:

Your lack of planning for your goals will definitely lead you to focus on other pleasurable distractions.
Solution: Divide your dreams into monthly, weekly and daily achievable goals. If possible maintain a daily journal that will help you keep focussed and track your progress in the journey of achieving your dream life.

No Discipline:

“Self-discipline is the ability to get yourself to take action regardless of your emotional state” Here are the ways to maintain discipline:

  • Know your why: Your “why: the reason behind your goals” will give you the energy to accomplish this task. Note: Your emotional involvement with your goal will make you stick to it irrespective of the state you are currently experiencing.
  • Do your work first /before responding to the world: Don’t forget to take out time for your goals before reacting to the world requirements. Yes, it’s important to respond to their emails, tasks but before that take out the time for things that will push you forward towards your goals.
  • Allocate blocks for various activities: Assigning a fixed time for activities like gym, meditation, work, socializing will help you become more disciplined.

Not feeling good:

We avoid work many times because we are not feeling good. Here are some ways to change your mood quickly:

  • Write it out on paper: Take a paper and write all things that are making you sad, guilty, worried, angry. Write all your desires, goals, pending tasks on paper. It will free your mind and help you go to being state from where you can start your work.
  • Meditate: There are numerous benefits of meditation. It helps you relax and elevate your energy and makes you more focussed.
  • Focus on your past achievements: Remind yourself of your strengths and past achievements. If you could achieve all those things, why can’t you do this simple task? It will make you feel great and the ability to start with great confidence. If you face the problem of low self-confidence often, please go through our previous post to have unshakable confidence.

Being a perfectionist:

When you have high standards for yourself, you will spend more time than you should on a task.

  • You will start late waiting for that perfect state/, mood to begin your task.
  • You will spend more time in completing it in pursuit of perfection.
  • Even after it’s completed, you still make revisions in order to make it “perfect.”
  • You can throw you off since things didn’t go your way. That means you may give up on a project that you already started working on.

You can overcome it by focusing on completing tasks rather than making it perfect. Example: Ten great articles are better than that perfect one. Also, you can always go back and make those ten articles perfect. But the key is to start now.

Saying yes too often:

It’s understandable that you don’t want to disappoint others, but it’s very difficult to keep everyone happy. You’re doing wrong to yourself by saying “yes” to everyone since you end-up spreading too much time for them instead of working towards your goals.
Solution: Be honest with others and information that you simply don’t have the time to lead a meeting, write a blog post, or whatever else it is that they’re requesting.
Note: If you want to help others, the best way is to listen to them and ask them the best solution. You can guide them, show them the path but don’t solve their problems. By doing so, not only you will be wasting your time but also reduce their ability to solve problems thus reducing their self-esteem.

Read Also: How to Boost Your Productivity

If we missed any major time stealer, please let us know in comments section.